It’s “only” politics?

“It’s only politics”…

How many times have you heard someone say that? “It’s only politics”. Meaning: It’s not worth getting upset about. It doesn’t really matter. “It’s ONLY politics”…. so how dare you be angry about people voting for X….. “it’s only politics”.

NO, it is NOT “only politics”. Governmental policies have very real repercussions – on very real human beings. Who’s in office to MAKE those policies, has very real affects – on very real human beings. Governmental policies and laws can be the difference between life, and death, for every person in this country — and, because of the power this country has in this World, everywhere else as well.

I have Stage IV cancer. There are treatments. WITH those treatments, I have the potential to live for quite a long time (no guaranty, but at least the possibility). We currently have an administration that quite literally campaigned on policies that would wipe out my access to those treatments once my insurance pays enough money… they want the ability to say “nope, you’re too expensive and we’re cutting you off”. I am not a drunk, and they are not bartenders – cutting me off isn’t saving me – it’s killing me. I am someone who is quite literally fighting to remain alive and functional.

I have family members who, while claiming they “love me”, voted for the current administration… in part because they bought all of the ACA hate propaganda — so they were quite literally voting to kill the ACA — did it occur to them that they were also voting to kill ME with it? Well, considering the fact that we’d DISCUSSED IT, I have to assume they did. They literally voted that it was okay for millions of people to die because of some twisted notion of “freedom”, because gun hugging was more important than people hugging, and because they wanted the measly tax breaks they expected to receive…… and that was more important than my life, and than the lives of millions of others who are literally struggling every damn day just to survive. And they’re angry with me for daring to be angry with them. How DARE I be angry that they voted to kill me.

They expect me to believe it when they say “I love you” and not get “I call bullshit on that” as a response. They expect me to show up for family gatherings and holidays, and pretend it doesn’t matter to me, or that I’m okay with it. I won’t. They preach about how “family should come first” or that “family shouldn’t be divided over politics” to me. They seem to have not one iota of the obscene level of irony involved in preaching that to me, when they had no such concerns when pulling a lever in the voting booth that indicated they were okay with me dying… if “family comes first” then voting for policies that will literally kill a family member because you thought you’d get a “tax break”….. well, you told me how much you thought my life was worth, and that when it came to your wallet, “family” (at least this member of that family) did NOT “come first”.

“It’s just politics”? Nope. And don’t fucking expect me to pretend that it is.


How can anyone still be supporting this?

Seriously? In the past week, they caught the NRA with their pants down – taking money from Russian sources and funneling it into political campaigns — so within a day, the Republicans pass a law that protects the NRA from having to report their donation sources.

Now, tRump wants to revoke the security clearance of anyone who’s objected to his behavior…. despite the fact that some on his list already lost their clearance when they left their jobs — so he doesn’t even know who does and who does not have it.

Are any of you who are still trying to justify this guy paying attention? At ALL?

Oh, and the accusations of “monetizing” their position? That’s what tRump has been doing since day one…. add up all the money that taxpayers have had to fork over to tRump’s properties while he’s golfing in order to have the secret service there…. hint…’s in the millions. Then add in the people who stay in his hotel in DC while trying to curry favor….. this is the most corrupt administration in history — and there are still people trying to defend this mess.

Taking a knee is not “disrespect”

Since when is taking a knee an act of disrespect?

To all the married men out there — did you kneel when you proposed? If so, was that “disrespect” for your intended?

To the church-goers — do you kneel when you pray? If so, is that “disrespect”?

No? So then why is it “disrespect” when a football player does it during the National Anthem? It’s not “disrespect”. It’s an act of supplication. It’s a request to be given equal status with everyone else. And, in the case of the football players, it’s a prayer that unarmed black people stop being killed just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Anyone who feels “disrespected” by this, is LOOKING for excuses to feel “disrespected”, because it is not inherent in the action. Taking a knee, by definition, is an act of humility, a plea to a higher power — it is an act of supplication.

the action of asking or begging for something earnestly or humbly.
“he fell to his knees in supplication”

I kneel with them. There is no disrespect in that.


Disheartened, discontented, disturbed, voluntarily disowned.

Hi all,

As anyone who’s been in here knows, I have Stage IV metastatic lobular breast cancer.  For the most part, I’m doing surprisingly well for almost 3 years out on this crap.  But I’m exhausted much of the time and recently started getting winded when going up stairs — as someone with asthma, that’s not unusual — other than it doesn’t come with the wheezing of asthma.  So there’s more testing coming down the pike.

In the meantime, I am grateful to have excellent health insurance — and at the same time  horrified by the recent election and the actions that have been taken since.  The ACA is not perfect, but within that imperfection are some very good things…  the removal of lifetime limits, the removal of pre-existing conditions clauses, and the ability of parents to keep their offspring on long enough for them to get through college and even grad school — all of which are likely going away.  That first one is a very big deal for me personally — between all the surgery, 8 rounds of chemo, lots of testing, etc. – well, my insurance company has been billed “bigly”.  So the reinstatement of lifetime coverage limits could quite literally hasten my demise.

And the kicker?  I have family members and so-called “friends” who voted for that.  They literally stated that revoking the ACA was one of the reasons (if not the primary one) that they voted in the groper-in-chief/die Gropenfuhrer.  From my perspective, they essentially voted for me to die….. and not one of them “gets” why I’m angry, or why this disturbs me so much…. not one.  In fact, they expect me to show up for family gatherings and act like everything is just fine and hunky dory….  and I’m not going to do it.  I just don’t have it in me to sit across a table from someone who literally voted for people like me to die and make small talk and pretend that’s okay….  just don’t.

Thank you for reading this, I just really needed to vent this.  Oh, and some whiney little twit reported my Placidair Moonbat ID on facebook as “not a real name” and got me locked out….  what really sucks?  I suspect a family member who was ticked off because I dared to be ticked off and show it……  yeah, really.

In the meantime, I’m going to keep working on the bucket list, and try to move out of the U.S. — because this just isn’t the country I was raised to believe it was any more.  Instead of the open, free and caring place it is vaunted to be, it is a cold, calculating, petty, and money grubbing place run by control freaks and profiteers, and I just don’t want to be here.  I have no intention of spending whatever time I have left in this World watching this country devolve into some evil serfdom where the few at the top own and run everything and the rest of us are expected to pay for the privilege of letting them pick our pockets and hoard ever more.   That Trump voters didn’t pay any attention to the massive land grab that was the mortgage crisis (let them sell their homes to the bank and rent them back – literally what Romney said) — a blatant attempt at turning people into serfs, instead of landowners…. and all of the other stunts the republicans have pulled in the last 40 years trying to grab more and pay less for it….  and they still voted for more of that…..  I don’t understand that, and quite frankly I hope I never do.

I hope you’re all having some fun out there.  Be well, be happy, but most of all be kind.

Yeah, it’s been a while…. again

Thought I’d do a quick update — in case anyone is still reading/following.  The cancer saga continues.  It’s stage 4.  Because my cancer is highly estrogen receptive I had my ovaries removed.  They found cancer in both ovaries and both Fallopian tubes.  We can’t tell where else it may be, because it did not show on a pre-surgical PET scan, nor an MRI, but got those puppies into a lab and YUP cancer cells.  No discrete tumors, but scattered cells.  It may well be that that is the status of my body in general.  The good news?  A liver biopsy did not show cancer cells, so hopefully the small sample of tissue is definitive of the entire organ.

I just keep rolling along, taking the meds I can tolerate (we tried some that I couldn’t and had to stop) and doing everything I can holistically.  Diet, herbs, vitamins, exercise, etc.  Since it’s impossible to tell where it is without biopsying everything (not possible), or until something else goes wrong, and it appears to be slow growing — I am not likely to know if I have 10 minutes, or another 40 years…..  it will just always be part of my life from now on.

The scary part for me is wondering how many people are out there walking around with similar situations, and no clue that it’s even possible?  I’m told this is “rare” and usually not diagnosed until someone is in their 60s…. well, mine showed up at 54…  and I have to wonder — is it really that rare, or do they just not find it?  It could potentially be quite common, just unseen and undiagnosed with people being diagnosed with other things because cancer that scatters cells all over isn’t anything people are aware of even existing, much less there being a good mechanism for finding it.  Had it not been for those 2 teeny, tiny tumors in my breasts — which were 2 kinds of cancer….  I still, almost 3 years later, would not know I had this, would not be being treated (such as that is, which isn’t much), and would just be wondering why I feel like crap all the time.  I’ve been unwell for decades before this diagnosis, and diagnosed with a bunch of other stuff over the years — all of which may well be valid on their own… or was all that symptomatic of my body attacking scattered cancer cells and in so doing making me feel like hell?   I’ll likely never know for sure.

In the meantime, I’m doing the best I can, working on the “bucket list” and trying to do whatever I can to try to knock this nastiness into remission.  Hopefully I’ll get there.

For those who don’t know — once you’re classified as “Stage IV” you’re labelled as “terminal” and they pretty much stop trying to cure the cancer and only try to slow it down….  yeah, really.   I’m not okay with that, not okay with that at all …  so I’m trying to research as much as I can and do what I can to help myself — we’ll see how that goes.

In the meantime – I hope you’re all doing well out there, and my apologies for not posting.  Next post will be about politics….  I hope — because DAMN there’s just sooooo much fodder right now!  Wholly smokes this country has gone berserk…  Trump?  TRUMP?  WTF?!?!?!?!?!?   I understand the discontent out there, but supporting someone who’s benefited from what ails the country as a whole and who wants to do MORE of that….  I’m seriously thinking a good percentage of our populace is now suffering from Stockholm Syndrome…..  and we need to snap the hell out of it.

Oh yeah, if anyone is still out there – could you please comment, rate, do SOMETHING so that I know that?  Otherwise there’s really no point in further ramblings here.

Me…… MIA / back in action?

I have been ignoring this blog for quite some time.

If anyone is interested, here’s the explanation.

A dear friend who was about to be declared “cancer free” found out she was anything but. In fact, her breast cancer had returned and, in her words, was “having a hootenanny in there”. Cancer was in her liver, her pancreas and in her bones.

I essentially took a hiatus from just about everything else (still working some, but not really enough) to take her to her treatments, run errands, shore her up emotionally when others felt compelled to tell her stories about all the people they knew who had cancer and died (really not helpful folks, just don’t do that — survivor stories, yes….anything that ends in “and they s/he died anyway”… just don’t do that — seriously, it’s not just “unhelpful”, it’s actually destructive). Etc. After a year and a half of doing that, and neglecting my consulting business, I got myself to where I had to take a permanent job…. which has turned out to be a serious blessing.

This February, I myself was diagnosed with breast cancer…. and my friend lost her battle about 3 weeks later.

Right now I am recovering from a bi-lateral mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction and prepping for 6 months of chemotherapy and radiation hell. It was originally thought I had stage 1 cancer with 2 very small tumors, one in each breast. There was no sign of anything more on mammograms, sonograms or PET scan, Unfortunately, when they “got in there” what they discovered was a mess. I have apparently been walking around for a very long time with some form of insidious evil stealth cancer that does not show up on scans…. it’s slow growing from the pathology report, and there was a LOT of it. Despite the fact that PET showed NO hypermetabolic activity other than the 2 small tumors, and sonogram of my lymphnodes appeared normal…. they discovered that I have stage 3 cancer with 24 lymphnodes removed and all found to be cancerous. And apparently this “web” of cancer had taken over almost 1/3 of my seriously not tiny right breast.

The additional cancer was described to me as a mesh of small tumors no larger than the ball point of a pen, with fine filaments stringing them together. None of them large enough to register on a mammogram, and with slow enough metabolism to not show on PET. The only reason they found it now is that I opted for mastectomy, rather than lumpectomy.

I have a 50/50 chance of surviving 5 years. Since it does not show on scans, I asked how we’ll know if treatment is working…..the straight up answer is “we won’t”. Basically, if I’m not dead in 5 years, and no additional scanable tumors have cropped up, it will be assumed it worked.

Luckily for me, the job I took last year …. well, my employer has been awesome. Short-term disability with them is full pay for far longer than the legal requirement for unpaid FMLA leave, with 60% of pay even after that…. and I’ve been assured I will have a job to return to after treatment is completed. During the time presurgery and post-diagnosis they told me that I was to just go to whatever appointments I needed and as long as I worked at all that day, it counted as a day’s work and not personal time. The support from them has been just astounding and by the time this is done, I will have been on paid medical leave longer than I worked for them pre-diagnosis…… so basically, I plan on eventually retiring from them and my bouncing around days work-wise are over….. why would you leave a firm that goes that above and beyond for their employees? They are seriously earning extreme loyalty here.

I’m still healing from the surgery and having lymphedema and neuropathy issues with my right hand and arm. Things get a tiny bit more healed each day, but I am typing this with my left hand and 2 fingers on my right….. cumbersome, but doable.

So if anyone has wondered where the Hell I am….. well, you now know exactly what Hell I am in.

Since I’m not working at the moment, and going more than slightly stir-crazy…… who knows, perhaps I’ll find my way in here more often.

Cancer has NOT altered my politics (in fact it has strengthened them — the years I went without insurance due to pre-existing conditions just may have allowed cancer to thrive unchallenged because I had no routine testing for quite some time.

My concern for the environment and the basic needs for clean air, food, water and land have only been magnified by the knowledge that cancer is now so commonplace that 1 in 3 women in this country is expected to develop some form of breast cancer in her lifetime, and other forms of cancer are on the increase as well.

So I’m still the same PlacidAir you either know and love, know and hate, or know and tolerate……just with cancer and a big-assed battle for my own life on my hands. Still mourning the loss f a dear friend and saddened by the loss of an in-law and, knowledge that a young woman I babysat as a teenager is at this moment losing her own battle and that my best-friend’s MIL is also doing battle.

I got a pedicure today, and started talking to others in the salon. 1 woman had just finished treatment for cancer, another had been widowed by it, another was supporting a a friend through it. Everyone there had a story to tell me. I cannot drive right now because of my hand (I can’t even press the button on the shift to change gears), so I’ve been taking a lot of taxis… the driver on the way home today …. well his best friend has leukemia….. it’s everywhere I turn these days, and it’s overwhelming. What have we screwed up so badly that cancer has reached such epidemic levels? Is it GMOs? Environmental estrogens? Food additives? Air pollution related to the burning of fossil fuels? Nuclear waste trickling into ground water? We have so screwed things up in this country that our own bodies are turning against us in record numbers, cells are mutating, destroying/engulfing the cells around them and spreading and people are dying. And we’re all looking for “the cure” — how about we work on figuring out the CAUSE, and make it stop?

And my hand is hurting now, so I’m going to stop typing…. for now.

Thank you for reading.

Dear Organizing for Action….

I have now unsubscribed from your email.   Why?  Because I’m tired of the “win time with the President”, “win time with the candidate”…. “win time with ___________” emails.   Why?  Because I think raffling off time with our government officials cheapens the democratic process.  Because I think the notion of needing to “win a lottery” in order to have lunch with a politician cheapens the political process.

Because I’m appalled at the notion that our government, and it’s agents, have become so cheesy and “buyable” that the US Government is turning into a sleezy “reality show”, instead of the venerable institution that it should be.   Because I expect more class than that from my representatives.

Don’t get me wrong — I still fervently believe that President Obama was a far better choice than any of his opposition, not a perfect choice, but a far better one.  But I’m finding this cheapening of access to our representatives to be grossly offensive, and ethically questionable — and I want nothing to do with it.   Not now, not ever.

But if there were ever any question that we need major campaign finance reform in this country — the raffling off of politician’s time to their constituents is proof positive that we do.

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